Tuesday, 31 March 2015

I'm on a plain. Higher lows and faster returns.




That was a rather serendipitous phrase to drop into my head. I am on a plain. Slightly flat, but - like Kurt - I can't complain.

It's good that music is even entering my head actually. I think my brain is slowly changing in lots of ways. I listen to more music these days and I'm very glad of it. It's a sign that my concentration is improving (I listen to more full albums too) and that one of my abiding passions is coming back to me.
 
While I am having mood swings a go-go, they are not such plunging depths as they have been. I had a screw up on Monday and remained a little in the dumps yesterday, but today has been a pretty good day. Flat, but on a higher plain. 

I wasn't exactly God's gift to freelance content writing, but I did OK. I ate three good meals and exercised. I meditated. I sat downstairs rather than upstairs at my computer. I maintained my abstinences from nicotine and porn with relatively little trouble. I played the guitar rather a lot. 

My lows are raising in height and I'm bouncing back more quickly from the downs that I do have. 

I hope this marks a general upturn, a trend rather than a blip. I think the propranolol has had a hell of an effect on my life very quickly. I'm not cured of anxiety, I still have anxious thoughts, but breaking the physical roller coaster ride has been incredibly powerful. 

The big test will come the day after tomorrow when I have to go to my office job. I haven't been since I started on the propranolol. The last few journeys to the office have been very bad. If there's any improvement on that I'll be very pleased. 

It's a measure of how well, how stable things are going, that I don't really have much to say. That will change in time, I hope. There's work to be done on this blog for one thing. I've been happy coasting, but I'll need to start moving soon. 

If you spent it, thank you for your time. Please leave a comment after the tone.