How the devil am I going to change all the things I want to change? What's this new life, this recovered life, going to be all about?
I've thought about this quite a bit, and I reckon my best tools for recovery are going to be physical, creative, recovery work, success, passions, and life.
That's already confused me.
Physical is easy to explain. I want to be fit and healthy. That's in the wrong order. I want to be healthy (then give up smoking you appalling dufus!) then I want to be fit. Beyond that I'd quite like to be strong, which will be a whole new thing for me. I've been lucky enough to get onto a prescribed exercise scheme. I go to a weekly exercise class and get cheap use of my local authority gyms. It's been a revelation. Exercise is the best antidepressant I've ever used. I've managed quite a few weeks where I've gone to the gym three times and gone to my exercise class on Saturday. I need to try to keep that up.
I also had a spell going to tai chi classes. That's another possibility. I liked parts of it very much and really felt better as a result. I struggled, however, with the need to touch other people (yoiks!) in the classes. It made my very uncomfortable and was probably the main reason why I haven't been for a while. Mag does yoga and I'd like to give that a spin too. I've started to cycle occasionally, though I'm not very confident in traffic, and I walk a fair amount.
Creativity is going to be an important part of this for me. I write for a living, though not particularly creatively. I'd like to do more. I consider this blog under this heading but there are also things I've dabbled with in the past - music, writing fiction, visual art, poetry - that I'd like to reignite.
This blog could also be classed as recovery work. I'm sure you know the sort of thing I mean. Self-improvement? Is that the right way to put it? Probably.
Success! Wow. That sounds very big and arrogant. It's not. I just want to start doing what I do better. I'm interested in making music, for example, but that and success doesn't mean I now want to be a rock star, it means I'd like to make music as well as I can. Work is in here too. I'm a freelance writer and I do OK, but I could do so much more. Success is almost more about effort, in fact.
Passions may be a duplicate of creativity. It's just re-engaging with the things about which I was passionate and maybe finding some more things. Mag is a great gardener and we have an allotment. I could get more stuck into that.
Life is life is life... I want to live better. I want to be more in control of my life and more grown up and responsible about it - money, the house, work...
This hasn't been very focused and it may well bear revisiting. That's OK, it's early days here.
I have now added "go to the gym" to "meditate" on tomorrow's challenge list. Hooray for me!
If you spent it, thank you for your time. If you'd like to talk, leave a comment or drop me an email.